Lately I have felt like I am living in a void, like my spirit is being slowly sucked from deep within. I can feel it as it seeps through on its way out. Sometimes I fear it's a mid-life crisis creeping up, but mostly I think it stems from the fact I am not doing what I anticipated I would be doing at this point in my life.
I sometimes think I have an underlying struggle with depression. I cycle through moods, and sometimes I seem to get stuck at a certain spot. For a couple years now I have been stuck on the notion I'm not doing what I wanted with my life at this point, and my life feels empty because of it. And I get angry because what I want seems so simple for most people, and I don't understand why it should be so hard for me. Then I struggle with my purpose in life, and I can say now what a hard place that is be. When you don't feel like you have purpose, you don't feel like your life has meaning. You start to feel like you mean nothing to no one, and you retreat into a darker place. It's hard to find something to live for when your whole life to a certain point was laid out to achieve this one goal God has decided probably just isn't for you. Very vicious cycle of sadness, anger, loss, hope...
So how do I break free and feel good again? I bake. I cook. I create something someone will enjoy. I may not be the best, but people seem to enjoy it. And I like to learn about different things. What can I learn about today? If I spend too much time dwelling on what's bad about my life I forget to enjoy what's good, and though it might not feel like it some days, there's a lot of good in my life!
It's summer! Time to enjoy summer veggies. Here's a salad I concocted a few years ago. The ingredients list is all in proportion to what the consumer wants. If you want more of one thing, and less of another, it will still work!
Cucumber Tomato Salad for One
1/2 cucumber, peeled and chopped into bite-sized chunks
1/2 tomato or whole Roma tomato, chopped into bite-size chunks
6 black olives, sliced
2-3 T. shredded or grated Parmesan cheese
1-2 T. Italian or Balsamic dressing (I'm really liking Ken's Steak House-House Italian)
Sprinkle of roasted sunflower seeds, optional
Mix and enjoy. Yes, it's that easy!
Here's another creation I made earlier last week. I used half the batch to make Cheesy Hamburger Potato Bake, and put the rest in the freezer for some other yummy dish!
Cheesy Hamburger Gravy
1 1/2 lbs. hamburger
1 can cream of mushroom soup
2/3-3/4 of soup can of milk (about 1 cup)
1 envelope onion soup mix
1/2 cup shredded cheddar
2 oz. Velveeta
Brown and drain hamburger. Add soup, milk and onion soup mix. Simmer. Add cheeses (can add more or less as desired) and stir until melted. Use or freeze. Could halve onion soup mix to save on sodium because this mixture is pretty salty.
To make Cheesy Hamburger Potato Bake:
Make 4 servings instant mashed potatoes or similar amount of homemade potatoes. Spread roughly half to two-thirds in the bottom of a greased 8x6 or 8x8 glass baking dish. Spread Cheesy Hamburger Gravy mix over. Dot/spread remaining potatoes over top and bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or until bubbly around edge and potatoes have started to brown slightly. My husband and I got 2 meals out a 8x6 pan.
Other ways to use the gravy mix:
Over egg noodles. Could add a few dollops of sour cream for a cheesy stroganoff. Could grab out of the freezer for a quick meal with boiled potatoes or rice. Or cut a loaf of French or Italian bread in half length-wise and hollow out middle. Put in cheesy hamburger mixture, wrap in tin foil and bake for about 30 minutes at 375. Add some mixed veggies and throw it over a layer of crescent rolls in a pan and top with mashed potatoes, bake at 375 for maybe 30 minutes or so for a quick Shepard's pie. Put between two pie crusts for cheesy hamburger pot pie. Spread a prepared biscuit (such as Pillsbury) in a greased muffin tin. Spread up the sides, fill with cheesy hamburger mixture and bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes or until biscuit is done. Cheesy Hamburger Pasties! Add shredded hash browns and bake for a while in the oven for a hearty winter meal. Also good on buns as a sandwich mix. That's just what I've thought to do with it while I sit here typing! The possibilities could be endless...
I already feel better. Like I have contributed something to this world that is as simple as a fresh summer salad and good, hearty Midwestern fare. Cooking and baking are my therapy. I just get a little off track once in a while...
